


running parallel

by shaypotter



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, Me dealing with VM feels after Search for Bob, Processing Grief, Spoilers up to episode 115 and one-shots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 10:19:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19316179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shaypotter/pseuds/shaypotter
Summary: Vax watches from beyond the veil.





	running parallel

Vax knows it’s silly to be upset.

He knows how _ridiculous_ it is to be angry when he has already been granted so many allowances, so many kindnesses from his goddess. But — he thinks, lip curling into a snarl — _but_ he misses his fucking sister.

He can see her for short periods at a time in this weird little realm beyond the veil. He should feel blessed to have these glimpses into moments of Vex’s life. How fucking _lucky_ he is to be present, in a way, to see it at all.

But as he watches his sister’s hand drop to rub at her rounded belly, Vax doesn’t feel lucky.

He feels _furious._ He feels so much anger coursing through him, like lightning licking through his veins and into his core, that Vax has to close his eyes against the vision to regain his calm.

A breath in.

A breath out.

His dark eyes blink open again, drawn back to the scene before him in the swirling mist of this odd home-not-a-home he lives in. Vex is sitting on the edge of her bed dressed in her nightclothes. Her dark hair falls in a messy, thick braid over one shoulder.

‘ _I would’ve done a better job,’_ he thinks, a bit bitterly as he eyes the sloppy braid. He wonders if it’s gotten too difficult to braid her own hair with the baby due so soon. Wonders how it would feel to braid his sister’s hair again, to feel the thick strands slipping through his fingers.

It feels like so much has slipped through his fingers.

He grits his teeth against the ache in his chest and breathes a sigh of relief as a distraction enters in his vision.

Percival enters the chambers — their bedroom in Whitestone, Vax figures — and approaches Vex with a half-smile tugging at his lips. Percy’s hand is already out to rest over her belly, the most dignified man Vax has ever known dropping to his knees shamelessly. He looks reverent, like a man who still can’t believe this life is his own.

“How is our son?” Vax hears faintly from the vision. Always like listening to conversation from underwater, muffled and echoing.

His twin rubs gently at her stomach. Vax’s hands lift in front of him, somewhat pathetically reaching out towards her. He wants to be able to lay a careful hand on Vex’s stomach, wants to feel the life growing inside her.

“Darling, I told you. We’re having a daughter. I’m absolutely positive.” Vax nods along with his sister’s words. He’d love any child born of his sister and Percival but the idea of a tiny little girl swaddled close in his arms is… indescribable.

Percy gives a laugh, nodding his head in a way that indicates they’ve had this argument before. “Whatever you say, dear. You’ll owe me fifty gold when you’re wrong.” His voice is light, teasing, and Vax is again thankful for his brother-in-law. There isn’t a better man left in this world to protect his sister, to protect his niece, to protect Keyleth (whenever Keyleth allows herself the comfort of their family).

“Dearest,” Percy starts after a moment of comfortable silence shared between husband and wife. Vax tenses, planning a quick escape if it turns out it’s _one of those nights_ where he does not want to be around his sister’s bedroom anymore, _please —_

But Percy’s face is too serious. The lines etched onto his face speak of grief and exhaustion. A life spent in battle.

“How are you doing? Not the baby, not anyone else, but _you_. You’ve been quiet.” Vex ducks her face to hide from Percival’s perceptive gaze. Vax can see her pain clearly and his heart _aches_ as he watches tears fill his sister’s eyes. She blinks harshly, a few drops rolling down her cheeks. His fingers twitch like he can wipe them away.

“I’m fine, Percival, really. I’ve just… I realized that it’s actually real.” Her hand rubs again over the swell of her belly and Vax clenches his shaking hands into fists. “He’s really gone. And my baby — our baby, of course, darling — will never know him. She just…” Vex gives a broken sounding laugh, the noise an echo of their childhood spent hiding from the world’s rejection. Just the pair of them. “She won’t know him. Makes me feel like I’m losing him all over again.”

Vax watches, from this strange room somewhere in his patron’s plane, as the other half of his soul falls apart. He struggles to maintain his own composure. Reminds himself that he signed up for this, that he would make the trade over and over if it meant her life.

He leaves his scattered thoughts and refocuses on Vex and Percy. His brother-in-law has a hand on her face now, cupping her cheek in his weathered, capable hands. “She will certainly know him. Not in… not in the way we would wish. Not the way we want. But she’ll grow up hearing stories of her uncle. How heroic he could be when he wasn’t being a complete idiot.”

Vex gives a tearful laugh, wiping hastily at her eyes. “You’re right, of course. I know she will. I just…” Her gaze lifts to meet her husband’s soft expression. “I miss him so much, Percy. Some days it feels like I’ve lost an entire portion of my heart, like only this small, pathetic little piece is left in my chest. Like he took the rest of it with him.”

Vax lets go of his control, finally, and buries his face in his hands. Allows his shoulders to shake under the weight of his devastation, under his tremendous grief, under the knowledge he can never comfort his sister again.

He nearly misses Percy comforting her, whispering to Vex that her brother would never be too far, nosy and overprotective as he is.

 _‘He isn’t wrong,’_ Vax thinks with a hoarse chuckle. He settles back in his chair and allows himself a few more moments of watching Vex and Percival, watching the circular motion of her hand, watching his very _heart_ right there in front of him.

Then he stands and loses the vision, knocking it free, and leaves to find his goddess.

He has work to do.

—

It is two weeks later that Vax is once again looking in on his sister, but this time his heart is near bursting with joy, not sadness.

His sister — his exhausted, strong, glorious sister — is cradling the most _perfect_ little thing in her arms. Percy stands at her side, his own face worn and haggard, but happy. He can’t seem to take his eyes off the baby, not that Vax can blame him.

His niece is incredible. So small that he wonders what it would feel like to hold her in his arms, if he would feel like he was moments away from breaking her.

He hears a snippet of their conversation, his sister’s voice quiet. “She’s beautiful. She is — I didn’t know it was possible to love someone this fast, so completely. I adore her, Percival.”

Her husband’s hand brushes over her sloppy braid — he feels a familiar jolt of annoyance — and Percy presses a kiss to the top of her head. “She’s wonderful. The others will love her, though Grog isn’t allowed to hold her until she’s… well, never, unless he’s got Pike’s direct supervision.”

Vex laughs, muffling the sound into her shoulder in an effort to keep their daughter asleep. Her eyes sparkle with a newfound light and Vax feels the knot in his chest loosen, a piece of him settling at the happiness spread so plainly over his sister’s face.

“He would love her, you know. He’d probably be busy running her through the hallways, telling the world about his niece,” Vex muses, her voice a mixture of sadness and pride that makes Vax want to reach out and pull her close.

Percy, in his observant way, perches on the edge of their bed. Presses a sweet kiss to her cheek, to her ear. “He does love her. She’s your child, of course he loves her.”

And Vex, for the first time in what may be months, beams a brilliant smile at her husband. “You’re right. I know he just adores her, don’t you, Vax?”

Vax stands up in his little room beyond the veil and presses trembling fingers to his mouth, covering his answering grin. “I love her more than life itself, sister,” he says to an empty room, his heart giving a slow thump in his chest, his eyes full of his sister, his niece, his very world.

He allows himself a few more moments of admiring the three of them nestled together. His tiny niece, his brother, and his twin.

Vax thinks to himself, _“I won’t go far, Vex'ahlia,”_ before releasing the vision with a wave of his fingers.

**Author's Note:**

> I was feeling pretty emotional after the Search for Bob one-shot tonight and decided to write it out through Vax. What a wonderful episode and man do I miss these guys.
> 
> Many thanks to the Critters and to nevershootamockingbird for the beta read at 2am.


End file.
